By Coach Maita Beltran

After 31 years in consulting, you’d think I’d be immune to conflict—but even now, it still finds creative ways to show up. Just last week, I was in a meeting with a lean team of five consultants, finalizing a team-building program I had co-designed for a client’s Refreshed Values event. I was the Lead Facilitator, brought in by the Senior Engagement Manager, and we had been working overtime to adjust the design based on the client’s shifting requests. We were all set—until, mid-presentation, one Consultant piped up and challenged the need for an energizer activity, asking, “Wouldn’t the client find this... unnecessary?” He didn’t stop there. More critiques came, wrapped in corporate lingo that felt like it belonged in a classroom lecture rather than a high-energy team-building session.

Now, full honesty—my gut reaction? Defensive. Irritated. Maybe a little “Who does this guy think he is?” But instead of letting my emotions go on overdrive, I took a deep breath (the kind where you silently remind your face to behave) and did what I train others to do: I looked for the WHY. What was really behind this conflict?

I realized he wasn’t trying to derail the program—he just wanted to be heard. It was his first time to be part of this type of activity, and he needed to feel like his input mattered. That moment reminded me how often conflict isn’t really about the what, but the why. So I listened, acknowledged what made sense, calmly explained the rationale behind our choices, and invited useful ideas from the rest of the team. No drama. No defensiveness. Just good, honest communication.

And you know what? The program was a hit. All 150 participants—including the CEO and her children in leadership—were fully engaged and kept coming back to say thank you. Even the Consultant who challenged me had a complete turnaround, later admitting it was his first team-building event ever and that he learned something new.

What I learned (again) is this: when conflict shows up, it’s rarely about ego—it’s about unmet needs. And if we pause long enough to find the WHY, resolution becomes less about winning and more about building better teams.